December » 2010 » IG – Impossibly Glamorous

I.G. Advice: Should She Cut the Cord?

Dear King C, I like my friend, Melissa a lot . She’s always been very supportive and sometimes helps me with my work. But she is always complaining about being tired, her husband, home situation and rattles on and on. She phones me almost everyday and continues to go into details about her days, even about what she is going to cook for her family. I try to hang up, but she keeps on talking. Sometimes I hold the phone away from me because I can’t stand it anymore. I’ve suggested ways to help her improve her situation, but she never takes any advice. Nothing ever changes … I don’t want to hurt her or suddenly cut her off, but I’m irritated at the same time. What can I do about the situation without hurting her feelings? She’s also sensitive when people slight her and gets angry. Frustrated in Franklin City

Dear Frustrated:

Well I can see exactly why she gets slighted, since she sounds like her intuition about how much people want to hear from her is off kilter. I also feel sorry for Melissa since she sounds lonely, but she refuses to incorporate the positive changes you suggest which is driving YOU, Ms. Frustrated, around the bend.

This is tough one because I have been in your position a few times. You have that friend *THAT YOU LOVE* and they are just one bit of bad news after another … for months … then years … coming up on decades. You love them to death, but you have obviously become their emotional dumping ground. Frankly, I am in favor dialing a wake-up call for this type of person, especially when they seem to thrive on the bad news rather than make positive changes in their life. You might suggest she exercise more, since that lifts your endorphin levels naturally making people less mopey. Or possibly suggest group activities such as a book club where she can make new friends. Time to stage a little intervention (I refuse to write “friend-tervention”).

Every advice columnist trots out the old “Have her see a therapist!” right away, which I don’t always find helpful since a lot of people neither have the money nor the time for this (unless she speaks with a therapist who can provide a sliding-scale). If Melissa has the time or money for therapy, casually say, “Have you ever considered a therapist? I was feeling down and out once, and I have the number of this one guy.” It sounds like Melissa needs more than one sounding board for her troubles, and if therapy is an option for her be a real friend and tell her.

When life truly does hand you a series of sad times or hardships, then definitely stick around for your friend. The problem here is you are feeling you like a sponge to wipe up all her emotional messes. Distance yourself if that is what you need, but try to be available because you might need someone to listen to your sob story one day as well.

Need some advice about life, love or something random? Send me your burning question to charukyu@gmail.com.

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I.G. Advice: Diva – Tude in Spades

Dear King C, What is with gay guys and all their divas? I work at the GAP in the mall, and every time that damn Mariah Carey Christmas song comes on, it becomes this Vogue Fiesta. And then they get into arguments. One gay guy practically came to blows with another one because he was “stanning” for Keri Hilson, while the other one was team Beyoncé. What is with homos’ obsession with over-the-top female singers? Speak the Truth! Curious in Cape Canaveral

Dear Curious,

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I.G. Advice: I am at a Crossroads

Dear KC, What do you do when you are interested in two people? What criteria do you use to decide? Speak the Truth, Sleepless in Saskatchewan

Dear Sleepless,

I am surrounded by love and romance today, if only because I spend this Christmas Eve in Japan, where the holiday of Christmas has been distorted and twisted into something resembling Valentine’s Day e.g. a day in which men spend money on women in hopes of Mrs. Santa roasting chestnuts in her open fire. No talk of Baby Jesus, Rudolph and sugarplums, the Japanese are in a rush to break as many Commandments as possible to celebrate the alleged birthday of the Christian Messiah. But I digress…

So you have the luxury of choosing Mr. A or Mr. B, I understand. I don’t have any information about the Rival Romeos, and I suppose you are thinking about a steady relationship. Like Beyoncé in Dreamgirls, you find yourself at a crossroads. Which guy should you pick to sing “Santa Baby” to in only your chonies and reindeer antlers? Here are some things I might consider:

1. Are you on the same page about relationship boundaries? Do you both want monogamy or are you of the open relationship ilk? Are you as chaste as Mother Theresa and he closer to Caligula? If so, then choose the guy whose moral compass points away from Babylon (or Rome as it were).

2. How is their relationship with food? Once you grow old and gray, and the Viagra just don’t work no more, you will still be eating together. So if you are carb-free, rabbit-food-munching vegan and he eats steak with his Cheerios, I would think long and hard. Better choose the guy you can enjoy your herbal-grass smoothies with well into the Golden years. Attitudes toward exercise (or lack thereof) should cross your mind, also.

3. When you become a senior, in addition to eating together you will also still be talking a lot- choose the one who is a better conversationalist.

4. Well, you aren’t old yet, you still have a lot of knocking boots to do. How is the chemistry? For me, there needs to be seismic shifting when you kiss. Also, I would choose the guy with the bigger, thicker, longer … heart.

5. You might go for the guy with a somewhat similar background. Sure, the “opposites attract” thing can be a turn on, but the successful couples around me seem to come from similar educational and economic backgrounds. If you grew up among the Vanderbilts and went to Dalton, Princeton then Wharton, then your dalliance with the construction worker will probably end as just that, a dalliance. I am a hopeless romantic, though, so I like it when someone proves me wrong.

6. Also, I suggest hooking up with the guy who will buy me furs and leather who has that je ne sais quoi, that really trips my trigger, lights my fire. Presents from Dior can aid in lighting said fire. Actually, I am not materialistic at all, but an indication he understands your deeper needs is a must!

Have a burning question? Ask me anything you like by emailing charukyu@gmail.com!

I.G. Advice: The Emotion Behind the Emoticon

Hey Charles-

I have a question! My BFF can’t seem to make a complete sentence without using an emoticon. I will leave the occasional happy face, but sometimes she uses emoticons in a way that vexes me. For example, I had to leave a party early last weekend before she arrived, and she wrote, “Thanks for ditching me :=)” or she will constantly text me, “You are such a silly ho ;~)” at random moments. Is she really upset and is there more behind her parenthetical smile? Sometimes I feel like she hates me and just hides it with an emoticon.

Speak the Truth, King C – Email Diva

Dear Email Diva,

Maybe she does hate you and just hides it with an emoticon. But probably not. We live in a world now in which symbols such as :o) to show you are happy or –!– to flip someone the bird have become part of the way we communicate. Personally, I like m(_ _)m to bow down in apology or say “I’m not worthy!” Of course, there are more rude emoticons for breasts and sphincters, but rather than repost them here, I am going let you ask the wisdom of Sweet Lady Google should you have a real itch to know. It is almost as if we have re-entered the Age of Hieroglyphics (well China and Japan never really left, but irregardless).

Back to your friend with Emoticon Diarrhea- I do think at least in part she is acting out some passive aggressive pissy-ness towards you, especially if that is what your intuition tells you. Since I don’t know her, I can’t say, but maybe she isn’t angry at all, as it is notoriously difficult to read emotion from a text or email. You might be thinking, “She totally hates me” when she might be thinking, “Should I buy another moccacino?” (In cognitive therapy they refer to this as “mind reading,” where you negatively read an emotion from someone who isn’t actually angry with you). Or maybe she is saying, “I’m mad, but not THAT mad.” I am guilty myself of leaving an occasional “:=)” almost as a warning e.g. meaning “I could be pissed at you, but we’re cool.” My verdict is you take a chill pill for a second, but if she starts acting like more of an (_*_) you have my permission to say (^ｰ^)ﾉ~~~~　(goodbye). — Charles

Neverland Ranch Julliard?

This is a couple days old, but I read on TMZ that the custodians of Michael Jackson’s estate are considering the possibility of turning Neverland Valley Ranch into a music school for teens.

As much as I love some MJ in the musical sense, if I had a teen child, Neverland Ranch would be the last place I would send him or her. This is like creating the Genghis Khan Peace Memorial or the Amy Fisher Finishing School. Something deep inside probably tells you that it just isn’t the correct thing to do. Neverland Valley Julliard ranks up there with the Joseph Stalin Shopping Center as a construction project that probably should be abandoned at the idea stage.

Movie Review: Burlesque

Looking for a juicy subject to kick off my return to blogging and take advantage of my impossibly glamorous site created by Brasileiro design genius Daniel Quevedo (Obrigado!), I thought a movie review of Burlesque, which opened today in Tokyo cinemas, would be the the ultimate way to get things rolling. So here goes: Ali (Christina Aguilera) hears the siren call of showbiz and ditches her trailer Read the rest of this entry »