So I’ve been thoroughly enjoying my foray into blogging again at the great urging of a couple friends (Shout out to Sarah H. and Jenny R.). Of course, this blog has been universally ignored lauded in every corner of the globe. Interesting side-note, I trademarked the name “IG Impossibly Glamorous” as the longer the phrase the easier to trademark, since there are less possible identical trademarks that can oppose you. Someone might have trademarked “Impossible” or “Glamorous,” but if you string a long set of words such as “IG Impossibly Glamorous” together your trademark will most likely become registered.
So after spending about a grand and sending applications for six months, I finally get my beautiful blog up! I told my graphic designer Daniel, “Give me rock n’ roll, Vegas and the Virgin of Guadalupe!” and this is what he created. Genius right? I am having issues though as I named my advice column “Speak the Truth,” but apparently that is the name of some cult in Japan (Google it). Any suggestions for other names?
THEN! Then my Swedish friend, Teitur, told me that “IG” in Sweden means “Fail” as in you flunked in school. You can’t write such good comedy material! The jokes write themselves.
Maybe people think I am way too over the top with this “Impossibly Glamorous” deal. It is meant to be tongue-in-cheek, as if you saw the crap I deal with in my day to day, I am not exactly hobnobbing with the Vanderbilts and Rockefellars. People must think all the time, “What does Charles do exactly?” I’ve been on the radio for 7 years, help on Tokyo Earth Day, write the occasional article, and of course I do a lot of work with brand licensing. At the end of the day, I guess I think of myself as a comedian. Not in the “Open Mic at Caroline’s” or Robin Williams sense of the word. Hell, not even in the Carrot Top sense. But I am a comedy junkie, and I watch, read, and devour anything funny. I constantly twist anything I come into contact with until I can wring something funny out of it.
Definitely, being a comedian is sort of a defense mechanism for those who grew up a bit maladjusted. Making people laugh is how I survived being this flamboyant gay character growing up in that podunk ass-backwards cosmopolitan epicenter called the greater Kansas City area. Sure people might have wanted to flog me (hint, they still do), but if you can make people laugh out loud, you can escape any flogging. If Mario Lopez (don’t judge) wanted to flog me I wouldn’t resist though.
That brings me to a conundrum I have. Remember that book The Secret Oprah was raving about circa 2008? I read that (don’t judge). And I know you at least watched the DVD (I’m judging you). So part of being a comedian is you have as the British say, “To take the piss out of people.” You have to be a somewhat caustic and bitchy. So that’s negative right? But you are trying to be positive and make people laugh and stuff right? So does that make negative or positive karma?
What kind of weird ass karma have I gotten myself into?? On this deep philosophical tangent I leave you with the words of comedy goddess Kathy Griffin:
“I don’t get shows like the Real World, cause they’re always saying ‘If you have something to say, say it to my face!’… Umm, I’d rather not! It’s more freeing for me, and I can be funnier, so can you move it along?”
So that is the karma escape of the comedian. Say what you’re thinking, just don’t let them catch you saying it. Did you just notice how awesome my deep philosophy was? You’re welcome.