Monday Mediawatch: Amy Winehouse Becomes a Cosmic Cash Machine for Her Family

Amy Winehouse

The passing of Amy Winehouse saddened me greatly, as it did much of the world. I know what we all thought when we saw another of her Winehouse shenanigans. When she’d come stumbling home plastered from Chinawhite or some impossibly glamorous London crack house VIP lounge,

“Oh that Amy Winehouse,” we’d say, “She just likes a drink.”  It didn’t matter if the ballet slippers she wore (ew!) to actually walk about London were caked in soot and debris. So what if a mockingbird was nesting in her 2 foot beehive while a couple teeth were missing after her last heroine binge? She was a real trooper, and we just laughed it off thinking she would serendipitiously dodge any real scrapes. So now she is gone and living up to her lyrics in a way that makes her death a macabre punchline in the world’s sickest joke. I quite liked her, and oddly, was surprised by the suddenness of it all.

She has been put to rest and the world has moved on, and no doubt the vultures out there are circling the pieces of what had been her promising legacy. First of all, how much money did she actually have? I was under the impression that she wouldn’t have that much money, to be quite honest. She had one hit single, a few other songs and one solitary acclaimed album (and a few recordings from her indie days). Even MC Hammer had more hits than Amy Winehouse, and he famously filed for bankruptcy. Frankly she didn’t seem the type to keep her receipts in order and keep her checkbook up to date.

Well imagine my surprise at learning via Leslie Gornstein (one of my favorite writers) in a well-written piece on Winehouse, that she leaves behind, “a fortune estimated between $15 million and $30 million.” WHAT! THE! FUCK! Was Amy Winehouse some investment mogul? Seriously, considering most of her concerts over the last three years were canceled and she could barely form a complete sentence, at what point did she become a fiscal warlock? And why isn’t she in our government? The Republicans and Democrats cannot make a deal to SAVE THEIR SORRY LIVES, and Amy Winehouse can turn a life of complete debauchery and utter irresponsibility into BETWEEN $15 AND $30 MILLION. Somebody get Obama a tequila and Congressman Boner a some fine chronic because something ain’t right on Capitol Hill. Obviously the politicians are just working too hard and need to smoke a few spliffs and then we’ll all be saved from the colossal economic meltdown that will occur if they could all get their heads out of their arses for a few brief flickering moments.

Anyway, to answer the question, “What Will Become of Amy Winehouse’s Music and Millions?” Ms. Winehouse’s recorded scraps that were to become part of her third album will be put into a musical meatgrinder and put out whenever Universal Music wants them to, while future royalties, screenplays and surely classy trinkets (Amy shot glasses, snowcones, brandy etc.) will most likely go to her family in the event that no will nor codicil names her studly dashing hot mess of an ex-husband, the currently incarcerated Blake Fielder-Civil, beneficiary of said provisions. If Amy had the wherewithal to actually proclaim Fielder-Civil her heir, I am sure the Winehouse clan would be able to wrest the rights from him anyway for a couple of pints and a hot pocket—Blake is busy proving evolution can go in reverse, and I doubt he could put up much of a fight.

Read the original article by Leslie Gornstein here. Send questions about life, love or something random to charukyu@gmail.com or just use the “Ask Something” tab up above!  Also, I highly recommend you buy my book on AmazonBarnes & Noble or Smashwords. Everybody is talking about it!! Beijos!

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