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The Girl on the Train: Get Emily Some Chapstick

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Based on Paula Hawkin’s New York Times bestseller, The Girl on the Train was one of 2016’s most anticipated movies. I’ll go verdict first on this movie adaptation: don’t see it. Maybe if you are bored on airplane (or a train for that matter), check it out.

I’ve enjoyed Emily Blunt’s work over the years. From her breakout role in The Devil Wears Prada to interesting sleepers such as Looper and Sicario, I imagine her career is the envy of many in Hollywood. Never having read The Girl on the Train, I had hopes that this would be some mystery dripping with Old Hollywood glamour—like Murder on the Orient Express. Alas, this train only features Emily portraying a withered, divorced alcoholic, which is an interesting turn for Blunt. However, they spent like the first 20 minutes of the movie with extreme close ups of Emily and her chapped lips on some commuter train in Long Island, and I just kept thinking, “Get this lady some Carmex.”

Emily plays Rachel, who is a woman on the edge. Her alcohol issues made her husband (Justin Theroux)  leave her. This plunged her further into drink and depression. Rachel has blackout drunk episodes, and she is terrified of what may have transpired during them. It turns out it involved a lot of drunk texts and even visits to see her ex-husband which he is extremely thrilled about. It gets more complicated than this, but since I am basically Mother Theresa in a Caftan, I shall let you discover them for yourself sometime when you are bored on an airplane and this is the only movie available.

I think what killed this movie was its dreary nature and clunky pacing. I thought about leaving the theater several times after the first 30 minutes. I love Emily Blunt, but this was such a Razzie-worthy experience.

And what is Lisa Kudrow doing in this? Phoebe from Friends shows up several times as Justin Theroux’s boss’s wife, but it just made me want to hear the smelly cat song. Just kidding. I guess after The Comeback, Romy and Michelle and an enormous career as a seasoned comedian, even Kudrow wanted to branch out a little. Which is wonderful. But I still snickered a little when Phoebe showed up in this “thriller.” Or unthriller? What is the opposite of thriller? Downer?

Anyway, have a look at the Razzie champion of 2017 below if you must:

 

Girl on the Train Movie Review