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VPL or Bust: The Beguiled

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Colin Farrell ignites Confederate panty pudding as he takes a turn in The Beguiled in a role made famous in the 1971 movie starring Clint Eastwood. Wounded by enemy shrapnel, Colin is a Union soldier stranded in Virginia; a young girl named Amy stumbles upon him and brings him back to the all-girl school on a plantation-style house.

Nicole Kidman plays the head mistress who rules the seminary with a stern hand and a frosty glance. Within 10 minutes of the film’s opening she strips Colin Farrell to his 1800’s chonies, because she really needs to get to his injured leg. Unfortunately for us all, Farrell is not featuring any VPL (if you don’t know what that is, it’s NSFW so please ask the knowledge of Sweet Lady Google). God, Sofia Coppola, what kind of director are you? Giving us Colin Farrell in his Underoos and no VPL. That’s not a felony, but it might be a misdemeanor. Just kidding.

I loved Kiki (Kirsten Dunst), Nicole Kidman and Colin Farrell like usual. However, to my surprise I felt former child star Elle Fanning stole most of her scenes. She plays one of the women in the finishing school vying for Colin’s attention. She serves Phaedra Parks-worthy shade with a dash of Southern condescension served with a smile and an apple pie. If this movie is up for any awards next year, I think Elle Fanning will be in the running.

Though my favorite Sofia Coppola is still Marie Antoinette, I feel The Beguiled is a fine addition to her canon which includes Lost in Translation and The Virgin Suicides. For those who appreciate her slow-burn direction with fantastic attention to meaningful glances and period wardrobe, I think you will enjoy The Beguiled. It does require some patience, but the payoff is good.

Can I Take the Kids?: small children and adults with ADD will find it hard to sit still in.

Verdict: If you like Sofia Coppola stream it or go see it. I do, and I quite enjoyed the movie.